Baby #2

Oh baby fever... the day after Arlen turned two, it hit.  I know I'm not totally ready for another baby yet, but it's definitely on my mind.  Arlen HAS to be potty trained - no doubt - before a baby comes along, and I'd like him to be a bit older.  He still gets a little jealous and isn't super great around babies.  For me, the age he is at (with the temper tantrums and stuff) would be extremely hard to be pregnant or have a newborn, I know a lot of people do it, but it just sounds tough!  My ideal scenario would be, to get pregnant October or November this year, putting the due date in June or July.  Arlen would have turned 3 in that time and I think he (we) could handle it by then.  ;)

That's my "ideal, perfect world" plan, and as we know, God has His own plans.  Arlen being born premature changed everything I knew (and didn't know) about pregnancies, labor, babies, everything...  I am in a situation where I didn't have a normal pregnancy and that makes my whole "birthin' babies" future questionable.  Should we even try?  Can I even carry a baby full term?  What if the baby comes early again?  What if they are even earlier and have problems?  Could I live with myself if I put my baby's life in jeopardy? .... So hard.  It's something I will never know ahead of time, I just have to trust God that if He blesses me with the gift of another baby, He will take care of us.


Hardly a day goes by that I don't think of Arlen coming early and what we had to endure.  It was hard, the hardest thing I have ever been through.  I blamed myself for "doing' that to him and not giving him a "normal" start of life.  I know there wasn't anything I could have done different or changed, but the guilt was/is there.  That being said, I don't want to go through that again.  Especially having a child at home already.  


But God was my rock and strength and peace during that tough time, and He is the reason we made it through.  I have total faith and trust that He will always take care of us, no matter what happens.  I leave our future baby birthin' in His hands.  What better place?!  :)


Now, for fun, when I get that crazy, gotta have a baby right now! feeling...  I watch this at 3 in the morning...

Such a cute and tiny, little guy!  He was just a few weeks old here, probably around 5 pounds.  I like to try and video everything, the good and the... not so good.  ;)

So, for now, I will relish my wonderful sleep at night, love on my amazing son and husband, and wait for God's perfect timing!